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The Daily SlackerThe Daily Slacker

The Non-Talk "Talk"

Monday, June 13, 2005

So as expected, the car ride home was interesting.

It started with her apologizing that the wedding sucked and me asking why we had gone through all of this trouble for her to go to a wedding of a friend that she really hasn't done anything with in the last tree years. They chat online once and a while, but that's about it. If it was me, I would send a card, not drive 6 hours and buy a $60 gift. She kinda snapped at me that she wouldn't invite me to anymore weddings then. I said weddings are fine depending on who it's for and then we got talking about who's going to get married next and who we would have as people in our weddings.

That seemed like a pretty good transition point into The Talk, but I had no idea exactly how I was going to start it. After another half our or so I figured it out and decided to ask her if she was in love with me. Before I could get it out, she up and says: "'Cookie' at work asked me if we are in love."

Ok, weird.

So yeah, here's the ensuing conversation:

Conservative Girl: "'Cookie at work asked me if we are in love."

Me: "Do you think we are?"

CG: "I don't know, do you?"

Me: "I don't really know. I guess for me, I don't really feel like I think I should feel if I were in love. What about you?"

CG: "I don't know, I guess it's about the same for me."

Me: "Have you ever been in love?"

CG: "Yeah, once."

So then we got talking about what was different with our relationship than from the last times we felt in love. We got talking about the things that bothered each other. I brought up everything I've complained about in earlier blogs: Her conservative nature, how a lot of the things I have fun doing, she doesn't so it makes it hard sometimes, her chronic lateness, the messiness of her car and home, even brought up the frustration with the physical side of things.

She told me the problems she had with me: That I don't compliment her all that much, that I don't seem to include her all the time, that some of the things she suggests we do I don't seem all that interested in.

She asked if the Physical thing was the biggest thing and I said "No, the biggest problem I think is that it doesn't seem like the chemistry is really there." She pretty much agreed. I also said that I wasn't sure why I don't compliment her as much and all of that. Usually I am the chivalrous type, opens doors, compliments, pays for dinner, all of that. But with here it just doesn't seem to come out. All I could use to explain it was the lack of chemistry.

So I then had to ask "So, why are we still dating? If we're not in love, we're more like friends than anything, why still be kinda dating after two years?"

This was a great answer. heh.

CG: "Well, i figure after year three, if we're not in love, then we should just be friends."

Year three?

Look up patience in the dictionary and it HAS to have her picture there. Willing to date for three years just to find out if she might fall in love at some point. See what I mean by her being overly nice? Do any of you honestly know someone who would date a guy for that long, just to find out if she would fall in love? Wow.

We got talking about where we were in life. It came down to the part where she's pretty settled in life, done with school, working for a company she wants to stay with and all that. For me, it was the exact opposite, I don't know where I'll be in three years, I like the company I work for, but once I finish my degree I'll take the best offer I can get. I'm not sure if I want to move, or any of that.

Got talking about lifestyle too. She's much more conservative in what she does, not going to bars much or parties, or basically anything with lots of people. I'm all for all of that. I like to hang out with my friends and have fun. The biggest thing was my ADD. I always have so much going on in my head and that tends to spill over into my life. I always am busy, going here and there, doing this and that. My life is usually busy. It's one of those things I've learned to live with. For the most part people don't notice it till they get to know me really well. I think in some ways the ADD helps me. I can multitask like crazy, I work on two projects on two computers at the same time and I feel I'm a lot more creative because I can be thinking about ideas for one thing while working on another. It's something that's not going to change. So all of that might be leading to the lack of chemistry. We're just too different personally.

We also got into a big talk about religion and what we wanted as far as that goes. Got talking about what we think of the bible and all of that. Definitely a good conversation.

So yeah, we hashed out all of the differences and problem and all of that. Agreed we're not in love with each other and don't really see being married at this point.

So in essence, it was The Talk. The catch? No conclusion.

I realize when I got back up to my condo after she left we never really settled what we are. Still dating? Just friends? Not talking anymore?

It was just a hug goodbye, no goodnight kiss like usual, so who knows if that means anything. Guess we'll see?

Well anyway, that was a long enough post. Look for part 2 once I figure out what the two hours of Non-Talk, Talk really was...

posted by Chief Slacker @ 9:41 AM,


At Mon Jun 13, 11:17:00 AM, Blogger Kitten said...

There are a couple of books on the bestseller lists right now " Hes Really Not That Into You" and "Face it, Your Really Not That Into Him Either"..maybe worth checking out.

Happy Monday, Sweetie.

At Mon Jun 13, 12:15:00 PM, Blogger fudgebumpkin said...

Sounds to me like a tacit agreement of non-going outness.

Well done!

Just be a man, ignore her calls for a week. Then next time you see her, make sure you're slobbering over someone else.

At Mon Jun 13, 12:34:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I need your opinion on something... can you email me :)

At Mon Jun 13, 12:44:00 PM, Blogger serendipity said...

That's a hell of a 'Talk' ....the kind each and every one of us dreads. I had that with my ex fiance. We had been together for three and a half years before finally deciding to call it quits.
I wont say it was easy, because you fall into a comfort zone with someone and it just seems easier to stay put than move on, but I for one am sooo much happier since we split up (almost 2 years ago now)
Good luck and keep us posted :)

At Mon Jun 13, 03:46:00 PM, Blogger jadedprimadonna said...

Yep, those books Kitten recommends are great. It sounds like you made a lot of progress, and even if you didn't necessarily get the closure you were seeking, you DID make a lot of progress. You know where she stands, and she knows where you stand. Way better than prior to the non-talk, right?

At Mon Jun 13, 04:57:00 PM, Blogger Chief Slacker said...

Yup, at least we're on the same page. Don't have to worry about the whole elading on thing. We know where we stand. And there was remarkably little crying, which is good since she was driving...

At Mon Jun 13, 05:48:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

>So yeah, here's the ensuing conversation:

Conservative Girl: "'Cookie at work asked me if we are in love."

Me: "Do you think we are?"

CG: "I don't know, do you?""

This would be where you say "No".

At Mon Jun 13, 06:18:00 PM, Blogger fudgebumpkin said...

Completely unrelated to this post, but have just seen your comment about Kaycee on another blog.

Goodness, IMing people is madness.

Don't be dishing out email addresses to random people, I say. If the limited number of people you meet physically are freakish, imagine the probability of meeting freaks in an online community of millions.

Oh dear, what am I doing on this blog?

At Mon Jun 13, 07:38:00 PM, Blogger Pink said...


very few guys would bother hashing it out and actually going through the painful discomfiture of talking it out, so WELL DONE!!!

sounds like a mouthful and lots of wishywashyness but bottom line - no love, just friends. and no more Godawful weddings to get out of!!

At Mon Jun 13, 08:22:00 PM, Blogger Ms. Charisma said...

I think you should have been more open. I think you should have said "No." Although the part about not wanting to be dating, etc was good.

I also think you should avoid her for a while so you can get on with not dating. ...why waste another year?

At Mon Jun 13, 10:10:00 PM, Blogger Jezzy said...

Three years??! That's truly insane. She wants to draw it out another year to see if you'll somehow fall in love?!

Well Chemistry doesn't work that way.

Hon, I think you know you're stuck in a hole right now.

You need to make your own ladder to get yourself out of this one.

At Tue Jun 14, 01:43:00 PM, Blogger Amy said...

Um, that was the lamest attempt I've ever seen. Do you want to stay in a relationship with her? You just cant' stay because you don't want to hurt her feelings....get off the damn fence boy and break things off...wait a few months to become "friends" which is really what you are right now and get back on the dating horse....Jesus...do i have to do EVERYTHING for you?

At Tue Jun 14, 03:01:00 PM, Blogger Chief Slacker said...

It's official. Singleness here I come!


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