Naïveté is bliss...?
Monday, November 20, 2006So going out with Conservative Girl Saturday night just left me thinking: I wish I could be that naive again. I guess only time will tell if my usually impeccable sense for relationships (In others, not my own, anyway) holds true with her current one, but for now I wish I could be like her.
Right now, I don’t see it working out with her and the guy she’s pretending to date. I say pretending because right now it’s not really dating in any normal sense of the word. At best right now it’d be corresponding as far as I see it. There’s no real connection there, just the hope of one. Communication itself is very minimal since he’s in the National Guard in Iraq. Any dating would actually come more with his family whom she’s adopted and hangs out with at least every week.
Some of the guys she had met seemed to have some good potential but didn’t work out for various reasons. With this one it just hasn’t seemed right to me from the beginning. They met on match.com, which is fine normally, but they met only a few weeks before he was going to be leaving for Iraq. After talking on the phone and email for a couple weeks she decided to go down to Florida to meet up with him for a weekend he had off. After that the decided they would be “dating.” That tells me he’s either very selfish and completely disrespectful of her, or also incredibly naïve. He set her up for a year of waiting, a year of hoping he doesn’t get hurt, and a year of a phone call a week being “dating.” To me that’s pretty mean.
She somewhat recently got back from a trip out to Europe to visit him while he had his couple weeks of leave. She said she had a lot of fun, but all the fun stories were about the fun places they went, not about fun she had with him. The comment that hit me about the trip is that she said it was “weird” because they didn’t really know how to communicate. CG also mention that often he would ask her about her belly dancing and stuff, but she would said she was to tired and just wanted to go to bed. All of this that I heard about it just made me think more and more that there’s a huge lack of chemistry there. HUGE.
I don’t believe I’ve ever met a couple that considered themselves “very happy” that said they had to struggle to communicate. You don’t really hear people say “Well, it took a lot of work, but eventually we fell in love.” Yeah, people can change over time, but if the chemistry’s not there, it’s not there. To me, chemistry means the relationship comes naturally. Respect, communication, fun and all the rest don’t have to be worked toward, they’re just there. Sure, there will be lumps in any relationship that need to be worked out, but those should come later on. If you’re working to create that initial connection, it’s seems more like a project to be happy with, not a person to be in love with.
It’s that naiveté I wish I could have. The kind that keeps dating each other for the sake of dating still enjoyable. It’s the same deal when CG and I were dating. It was fun for sure, but it wasn’t love. We got along great, did lots of fun things, but when it came down to it there really wasn’t any chemistry. I see the same thing with CG and this guy, she has interest, she thinks he’s a good guy, but there’s obviously a huge lack of chemistry.
I guess I admire her for that though. She’s still able to be happy with the idea of dating. She gets happiness from just being in the relationship. That faded with me for sure. I could and will be very happily dating someone I’m sure, though it wouldn’t really be the dating that would make me happy, it’d be the person. I’m not going for something I need to work on that will be good enough eventually. I’m in it for something that will make me truly happy.
Maybe I’m the naïve one to think that’s out there...? Nah.
posted by Chief Slacker @ 8:56 AM,
