Hate The Game / Let Her Ruin My Plans?
Tuesday, August 09, 2005The Games -
Recent events made me ask yet again, what happened to our society?
In particular when did we all decide that playing mind games was a good acceptable thing? All the stuff with Cute Paramedic and all of your various advice seems to have a common theme: To get the girl, play mind games, if the girls knows you want her, she'll play mind games. Why?
Has there always been a game? It's just the rules that changed?
Hell, even in caveman times the guys would fight and the winner would knock out the female and bring her home. Still sounds like a game to me.
In medieval times if a guy liked a girl, he made that known, and they started their courtship. But I suppose that was essentially a game itself? The guy would try to impress the parents and the girl to be sure to win her affection. Sounds like a game to me, though that type of "game" really remained fairly unchanged until probably the 70's.
Now the game is completely different. Apparently in order to "get the girl" you can't just be nice to her. You've got to ignore her and pretend like you don't care as much to get her to like you in the end. Make it to obvious that you like her and she'll treat you like crap. What caused that shift? Instead of being attracted to nice stable guys, women want liars and schemers now? What makes a guy that plays that game that much more attractive? I understand the whole thrill of the chase thing, but if a guy is willing to mess with your head to win you over, shouldn't that be a sign he's not afraid to mess with your head and lie later in the relationship?
So why is there even a "game" at all? Is it something genetic? Something inside us makes us require a challenge to occur before we can have a relationship? Instead of just meeting and falling in love, one party or the other has to fight to make a relationship? It's the whole survival of the fittest, but apparently now instead of the fittest being the strongest, or the smartest, or even the most financially sound, it's who can play the best mind game?
The whole thing seems silly to me, but apparently if I want to go anywhere with the opposite sex, I really need to learn how to play.
Ruin My Plans? -
The last time we talked Cute Paramedic had said that we should hang out on Monday. Obviously yesterday I wasn't holding my breath to hear from her. When I left work I got a TM that said: "I hate to do this, but I have a family dinner that I forgot about. I should be home around 10." Gee, cancelled her own plans now, go figure.
Anyway, I just chilled out and watched some Pre-season football and then went to bed about 11ish. Probably five minutes after I crawled into bed, my phone rang. Now the roomie Big Mike wasn't home at that point, and without my contacts or glasses I'm blind. I answered just in case it was something important. It was CP.
Before several of you yell at me I had fully intended to ignore her call if she did call, but I didn't know she was the one calling. We talked for a couple minutes, and I was just going to say "I'm in bed, call me some other time." But then part of me wanted to see if she would at least apologize for canceling. So I chatted with her a bit, after about ten minutes of convo she did say "Sorry about punking out again."
The came the dilemma. After some more chatting she said that she was going to go to the Dubliner tonight and was going to try and get some of her friends to come with. I had already planned on going there with Big Mike tonight. So now, if I show up and she's there, it'll look like I'm being some puppy dog and crap. I wanted to go because I know the people playing the Irish music that night aren't going to be there for two months, so it'd be fun to go. So, do I go anyway and do my best to not pay attention to her? Or, do I let her cancel my plans for me? I'm too nice a guy to act like an asshole if she's nice while I'm there so I dunno.
*EDIT* So, I decided what I'm going to do tonight. I'm going to go with Big Mike, because, well, I'm a stubborn bastard and I'm not going to let someone else decide my plans for me because they're being stupid. I had enough of that with OCD Anxiety Girl. No matter what I do, it's going to be some sort fo "game." Sticking to the original plan and just going with Big Mike and pretty much ignoring her while I'm there is the least gamey thing in my eyes. If she wants to come talk to me, fine, but I'm going to be honest and tell her that I'm not dealing with the stand-up type stuff. Yup.
posted by Chief Slacker @ 10:30 AM,
21 Comments:
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At Tue Aug 09, 11:47:00 AM,
Tyjen said...
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not all girls want to play mind games!
why let her ruin your plans? i think just go with your friend, enjoy yourself, and if you bump into her, be friendly but not overly affectionate. -
At Tue Aug 09, 01:21:00 PM,
FINY said...
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Well, since you already saw my post from yesterday you know that I'm no lover of the games either. That being said I am still waiting for a call from the Twin. I've said it over and over, dating sucks.
As for tonight, I think you should still go. Don't let her get in the way of YOUR plans. If she's there, be nice, but don't go out of your way to stand with her and talk to her and whatnot. You're there with a friend to hang out, not because she told you she'd be there. Make that clear, you should be fine. But don't forgo a good time just because CP is being wishy washy. -
At Tue Aug 09, 01:25:00 PM,
said...
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Simple. Go with another girl. Bring Conservative or OCD.
I don't care what you think about playing games - IF you go (which you should NOT!), bring another girl and let CP approach you. Introduce her to the other girl, be perfectly friendly with it, and she'll get the point and step things up.
Nice guys finish last. It may not be cute but it's true.
Once again - you should NOT show up there tonight. Go somewhere else, pick up on someone else, get some new prospects. LEAVE HER HANG OUT TO DRY for a bit. *IF* you go, DEFINITELY bring another girl with you. Don't go solo.
Trust me. I know what I'm talking about. -
At Tue Aug 09, 01:45:00 PM,
Anisa said...
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hmmmm...this is hard. yeah, i am really not sure why girls like hard-to-get guys. i think it's the thrill of the chase...and feeling like you got some super hot commodity.
did you tell her you already had plans to go there? i'm with captain bee...show up with another woman. nothing like seeing your man with another woman to make you want to step it up! -
At Tue Aug 09, 01:46:00 PM,
Chief Slacker said...
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Sub Girl - Yeah true. If I do go she'll be sure to know I'm not there because of her.
Wolfgang - Welcome! And I sure hope you're right.
FINY - Yes, yes it does. I hate the whole waiting for a phone call thing. The big thing is Big Mike has a habit of hookling up with girls... I don't wanna get stuck there by myself.
Cap B - I plan on going with the ROomie, though that's not a Girl. In an ideal world I'd go, hit it off with some other chick and make her jealous. Big Mike has the mojo, if we go together who knows what would happen. -
At Tue Aug 09, 01:49:00 PM,
jlybn123 said...
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Chief,
I'm not into games either. I was just saying that you have done the persuing, and it seems she is taking that for granted, and trying to play games with you! Screw that.
My opinion, is that you call her back and let her know that you had made previous plans to go there with Big Mike anyhow, and if you run into her, great. If not, oh well...you'll see her some other time.
I just think that she's kinda playin' you and it's starting to piss me off.
Ugh! Keep us posted. -
At Tue Aug 09, 01:49:00 PM,
Chief Slacker said...
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Anisa - Yeah I did tell her I had thought about going with Mike and she said she would give me a call tomorrow. Bah! I really don't wanna bring OCD, taht would jsut be a cluster fuck, CG would never go to a busy bar, and Kickball is busy, I need to go and hook up with a new girl in front of her I think. heh.
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At Tue Aug 09, 02:28:00 PM,
Tamanna said...
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For once I agree with Captain Bee.
Go somewhere else. Otherwise you'll end up with another...erm...one of those crazy girls you're always talking about. -
At Tue Aug 09, 02:31:00 PM,
Chief Slacker said...
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JlyBn - I still haven't really figured out if she's playing me or jsut a huge ditz, but either way it's beens tupid. I really thin I am going to go if Mike still wants to, but I'm defintiey not going to be nice to her.
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At Tue Aug 09, 03:35:00 PM,
Me said...
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I say go with your buddy as planned and if you run into her, be polite, but I wouldn't go out of my way. Definitely.
Dating games really suck and they seem to be getting worse and worse. I really don't know what the deal is and why people feel the need. I djust don't get it.
Ditto..Ugh! And let us know how it goes. -
At Tue Aug 09, 04:21:00 PM,
Amber said...
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Finy's totally right. And speaking as a girl who doesn't want to play or be played, I would say don't buy into the game. Don't take another girl - that's just game, and it could totally backfire. Go to the bar with Big Mike as planned, and if you see her, be cool -- like icy cool -- and don't make any sort of effort or if she wants to get all snuggly, don't play into it.
You want to know which girls like the "thrill of the chase" and the mind games? The immature ones. The ones who need drama to feel like their life is complete. So run from that, Chief, because that's the girl you don't want in the long run anyway. -
At Tue Aug 09, 04:41:00 PM,
Leesa said...
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You just haven't met the right girl yet, because we are not all like that.
Go tonight, don't let her ruin your plans. I would definitely let her come to you and not act that interested.
My two cents. -
At Tue Aug 09, 04:58:00 PM,
Chief Slacker said...
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Fudge - I'm not so worried about her being one of the crazies. And I'm the stubbron type.
Beth - Yeah I don't really get it either. I'm probably going to go, but only if Big Mike is going to come too.
Amber - Yeah, that's kinda what I think to, it's the immature ones. Unfortunately I can't seem to find any of the mature ones. I suppose taking someone is still game. Hell even being icy cool to her is game. UGH!
Diana - Yeah, I definitely need to find some new girls. I'm annoyed at the whole thing because no matetr what I'm going to "look" something. I can't jsut go and have fun.
Leesa - Too damn many are like that though. Hopefully the night works out. -
At Tue Aug 09, 05:21:00 PM,
Kira said...
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I do not play games. Neither does Alex. I just want my guy to be a nice guy who doesn't try to pretend he doesn't want to see me just to get me to chase harder. Crap! In fact, all I want is a nice guy who is a total pervert in bed. GOT THAT. Thank you.
Keep looking. There are women out there who don't like games. Alex is as nice as they come, which is why (he tells me) his dating experience wasn't extensive before me. He said, well, girls don't LIKE nice guys. THIS ONE DOES. I had an asshole for an ex. We live, we learn! -
At Tue Aug 09, 06:07:00 PM,
OzzyC said...
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The system doesn't say "play games." It says don't play her games by her rules. Up to now, you have been.
If you take someone else, you're starting to play games. IMHO, you should go with roomie. If you bump into CP, acknowledge her presence, but leave it at that. If she chases you, let it be known that you're there with the boyz and leave it at that.
If roomie leaves and you're still having fun, then stay. Stay as long as you're having fun. If it's not fun, then leave. It's not so tough. -
At Tue Aug 09, 07:19:00 PM,
Chief Slacker said...
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Kira - Nice guy that's a pervert in bed? Check! So now I jsut need to meet your clone ;o)
Lil country - yeah that does seem to be my experience, gierls like the "bad boys" till they get hurt by one, then they either get nice, or the get jaded and never trust anyone. Can't seem to catch a break!
OzzyC - Yeah like I said, I plan on going with big Mike, We'll see how it pans out from there. -
At Wed Aug 10, 10:48:00 AM,
Denise B. said...
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I agree with you, mind games suck. I never was good at them, and so really hated them when I was single. My husband is pretty "what you see is what you get" and that is fine with me.
Like you said, if they want mind games now, they probably always will. Be afraid, be very afraid. -
At Wed Aug 10, 10:51:00 AM,
Marie said...
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Chief - I hear you the frustration with games. They consume so much time and energy. I try not to engage in the game-playing because it gets old. But then if I'm too available, the guy usually ends up doing the same thing that CP has been doing. It sucks. So then I have to *not* be as available and the guy comes back around. It annoys me. Clearly, in an ideal world I'd like to meet someone who actually wants to spend time and hang out with me instead of playing the push/pull game. Anyway, I understand your frustration level when it comes to this. I wish I had better feedback to give you. ;)
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At Wed Aug 10, 01:08:00 PM,
Chief Slacker said...
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Wendi - Yeah, pretty much.
Readhead Mom - I'm defintieyl a what you see is what you get with a little more underneath. Apparently that's not quite a hot commodity.
Marie - No worries, I don't really know if anyone could have any better feedback. I jsut think the whole thing is annoying. Too bad taht childhood dream of meting "the one" and falling madly in love doesn't really seem to exist.
Amy - Call me whatever you want, but when it comes down to it I'm still going to do things my way. I'll listen to advice and see what feels right to me. Call me candy ass if ya wanna! -
At Thu Aug 11, 02:34:00 AM,
Jezzy said...
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I hate the playing of games!! I wrote about it somewhere - here ya go:
http://jezzylife.blogspot.com/2005/03/playing-games.html -
At Thu Aug 11, 09:10:00 AM,
Chief Slacker said...
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Jezzy - Games do indeed suck.. nice post.