Advice Time.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005Ok, so I seem to have about 20 visitors a day, and using the comments as a base, it seem females are more active than the guys. I figure that gives me a pretty good base to ask for some advice:
How does one "Get the girl?"
I took this quiz thingy today that I happened on at a fellow blogger's site called "How Leo are you?" It asks you some questions and then tells you how your personality ranks according the traits your Zodiac sign typically has. I was 93% Leo.
My one tripping point in the quiz was the statement "You've got a near 100% track record in seducing anyone you're interested in."
That's a big negative.
The advice I usually get at this point is usually one of two things: 1) Be yourself or 2) Be more aggressive.
So lets see, that whole thing about being yourself. That's a crock of crap. Yeah, I understand that I don't want to try and act like a different person. If I did she'll like that and not the real me and be disappointed later. But if I really am the typical, real me, I'm going to be a nice, fairly shy guy. I'm incredibly outgoing with a group, or people I'm not that interested in, but get me in front of a girl I'd be interested in and you get nothing. So somehow I need to not be my usual self, but make sure that my typical personality traits show through.
As for being more aggressive, I guess I just don't know how. I would try and stick with it more, but then I just feel like I'm being some creepy stalker guy. Whichever woman it was that came up with the whole idea of "playing hard to get" should have been shot right after she had the though. Nowadays the line between playing hard to get and I'm just being nice to you till I try to get you kicked out of the bar is sometimes infinitely small.
The whole movie scenario of the nice guy bumping into the girl and them striking up a convo is awfully rare. The reality is usually as the nice guy is thinking of something to say, the pompous prick steps in and walks away with the girl only to break her heart later after he plays her.
When I was a kid, my mom tells me we'd go out to the races and I'd pick the seats by the cute teenage girls. By the end of the night they be buying me candy and stuff. My cousin always wanted to babysit me so he could pick up chicks ;O) Where the hell'd that mojo go?
maybe after being screwed over by a couple chicks gave me a little shell I need to break back out of? I'm sure about 50% of my problem is just getting the confidence.
So how about it people? Let's get some insight here, non of the little "Just be yourself" rhetoric.
Ladies, what would win you over and make you want to talk to a guy? Guy, what have you done that's won over a girl?
Speak up!
posted by Chief Slacker @ 1:45 PM,
22 Comments:
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At Wed Jun 22, 05:08:00 PM,
said...
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Oh, man.
http://www.sosuave.com is my number one advice for you.
Nice guys finish last - always. Don't listen to anything women say about that.
Aggressive. Flirty. Ballsy. Confident. Yourself. -
At Wed Jun 22, 05:10:00 PM,
said...
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And I'm 93% Gemini. Word up.
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At Wed Jun 22, 05:54:00 PM,
Marie said...
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Okay, I first had to check out the sosuave.com site to see what is being written out there by guys. And sorry, this is going to be a LONG comment.
I will be the first to admit that I *used* to be attracted to and interested in jerks vs. nice guys. That only goes so far and lasts so long. I guess it depends on the stage you are in your life. I know of plenty of nice guys who have *just* enough edge, intrigue and confidence that doesn't carry them over to the side of being a jerk.
Okay, so I can only tell you what *I* find attractive. And just so you know, I am in love with a guy who truly is a nice guy. He's not a jerk. He used to be when he was younger based on some of his stories...lol. And granted, it took me 2 years to notice him in more than just a "friendship" way. He is smart, funny, has many interests, cares about people and things happening in the world...but most of all, he TRULY listens to me, understands me and respects me. He tries new things and keeps an open mind. I find that incredibly sexy. I love that he knows how to make me laugh even if I'm on the verge of tears about something. Or that he doesn't brush off my ideas or opinions even if he doesn't agree with them. We have arguments but still show respect for the other's feelings.
The thing that really got me to notice this guy was that he didn't try to put the moves on me. LOL...yes, it sounds weird. I started to become more attracted to him and the more he seemed to keep an arm's length between us, the more I wanted to close that gap. We'd been friends for a while but then I didn't want to be just friends anymore. He became HOT in my eyes. lol...But he never acted like a jerk. We talked about it later and he told me that he wanted *me* to make the first move because he knew me well enough to know that I would have been freaked out if he did.
I don't know if any of this remotely helps. I do agree that it's about confidence, knowing who you are, letting that shine, and going for what you want in life. The man in my life is going for his goals and dreams...and I find it incredibly attractive. :) -
At Wed Jun 22, 06:01:00 PM,
Chief Slacker said...
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Cap B - I'll have to check it out. And what weren't you Gemini about?
Duch - I just have to keep the intellectual side from roiving into geek territory. :O)
Marie - Here's your gold star for worlds longest comment ;O) The problem is it's pretty rare to have a girl make the first moves. Maybe I'm doing something wrong tehre too. who knows. -
At Wed Jun 22, 06:09:00 PM,
Marie said...
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LOL...sorry for the long comment. I have always been one to put the moves if I am interested. I don't believe in the "Rules" crap.
May I ask if there is a particular someone you are trying to get? ;) -
At Wed Jun 22, 07:06:00 PM,
said...
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Since I'm not too good with relationships, I was thinking of not commenting on this one. But what the heck, I'll have my say even though it probably won't help you in any way.
There's always the problem with being shy but if you have the guts, try to talk to the person you're interested in and after a few minutes or so, if you aren't comfortable with her still or don't seem to connect, then it probably wasn't meant to be. Maybe this will also work over a period of time, like having little snippets of convo over a few days or weeks.
I agree with Marie about being hit on. I don't know what it is, but for me being targeted by an aggressive guy is a turn off. I'm too difficult anyway, which needs to end. I'm working on it.
And by the way, I'm only 47% gemini. How sad, I'm not even a gemini by majority! -
At Wed Jun 22, 09:57:00 PM,
jlybn123 said...
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Maybe you should STOP LOOKING! I know that might sound extremely stupid, but it actually works. It seems that love hits ya right when you least expect it.
My guy and I met just 3 months after I had left my ex. I was in no way ready for a relationship, or looking for one. Neither was he. We actually met by chance, at a local McDonald's! Go figure. Sparks flew on that very first day, and we both found it very hard to drag ourselves away from each other, after talking for about 3 hours. I just KNEW that he was someone that I wanted to be with!
What attracted me most to him, was that he was just himself and I could see instantly that he was a truly sensitive and caring man. (He was also a great dad.) So basically, he pretty much had me at hello! LOL
A year and a half later...he's still my guy, and I adore him and still get those butterflies in the pit of my stomach when I see him.
I wasn't searching...I wasn't even wanting to search. I was just at the right place, at the right time! -
At Thu Jun 23, 02:31:00 AM,
Nadia said...
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I say if a guy can make a girl laugh or feel comfortable around him hes sure got her,u got to seem like a good guy keeping it real,genuinely caring guy,girls an see if a guy is for real or not.
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At Thu Jun 23, 02:57:00 AM,
Jezzy said...
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You want my advice?
I think you've got a largely female fan base cause you sound kinda hot already.
You've got a great personality.
So it's easy for you - here are the basics just in case:
1. Don't use creepy pick-up lines.
2. Have good personal hygiene.
3. Don't stare at a girls' chest.
4. Listen when she talks and remember what she says so you can ask about it later.
5. Be nice, be kind, be friendly but don't act all pussy whipped.
6. Make eye contact and smile. That one makes me melt anyway.
So there you go. Take my advice and fly, my friend, fly. You shall go far. x -
At Thu Jun 23, 09:00:00 AM,
Paulius said...
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I'm going to totally disobey what you requested in your blog over the 'just be yourself' thing.
It's true, not being yourself and acting like you think the girl wants you to act DOES get you more girls, but you're not what she wants, and unless you plan on keeping the act up for the rest of your life, it isn't going to last.
My advice? If you just want fun and sex, act until your head explodes.
If you want an actual long-lasting relationship...being yourself is the only way to go.
I also agree with jlybn123, the best way to actually find someone is to stop looking. Nothing is less attractive than a girl or guy who is desperate or trying to hard.
A guy desperately begging to get into your pants is just another guy. A guy who's just having fun is intriguing.
I stopped looking, got a new female friend...and married her three years later. Trust me...there is nothing more fun and rewarding than marrying your best friend. -
At Thu Jun 23, 09:21:00 AM,
Chief Slacker said...
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Marie - You're a rarity, at least in the places I've lived. And nope no one in particular. Just had been thinking about the topic.
Sarah - Jsut because you're not good at em doesn't mean you can't help others. Several of my friends come to me for advice yet I'm the single one ;O)
JlyBn - I'm actually not really looking. Hoping maybe, but not really looking. I beleive the same thing. Maybe I need ot start going to McDicks again!
Nadz - Try to keep it real! And I think some girls can see if a guy isn't real, but definitely not all.
Jezzy - You think I sound hot eh? hehe
Anyway,
1. I never use pick up lines, they never come out right.
2.I try to, I need to get better about shaving, I tend yo jsut trim the scruff and not completely shave. Otherwise I'm never the stinky kid ;O)
3. Low cut tops should be banned then, that's just mean!! Wait, no they shouldn't.
4. The problem with remembering things is having ADD. It's mild, but sometimes my memory's a steel trap, other times I forget what was said 30 seconds later.
5. So no drooling?
6. I'm usually pretty good at that. All smiles.
Paulius - Yeah, I've been trying to just relax and let things happen. Just weird being back in this whole singleness thing. that and I have to get out of this track record of having 13 of my 16 somewhat serious Exes, marry the guy after me... heh -
At Thu Jun 23, 02:01:00 PM,
Marissa said...
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In my opinion here are two key ingredients to attractive men:
1) Sense of humor (cliche, but true) - be able to laugh at yourself...if you can't laugh at yourself, simply put, you suck!
2) Self assurance - there's nothing worse than a guy who doesn't know who he is, and due to his lack of self-confidence, treats everyone in his path like crap! (I'm an expert, I've dated this guy many, many times!)
So there you have it - humor and confidence...and you're all good. :) -
At Thu Jun 23, 04:48:00 PM,
Amber said...
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Here's my advice -- because isn't advice from a total stranger something we all appreciate? : )
If you're interested in a girl, there is one thing TO do, and one thing NOT to do.
The thing TO do is to call. Don't be a stalker, but exercise what I like to call "common courtesy." If you're going to be late, if you have to change plans, or even if --no, ESPECIALLY if -- you've decided that you don't want to date her anymore. There is nothing more annoying than guys who have no balls and so they just drop off the face of the earth one day, instead of telling you that things are over.
The thing NOT to do is to start planning your future with the girl, and then in two weeks decide that things are "going too fast." And then you stop calling.
Not that I'm speaking from personal experience, I'm just sayin'... -
At Fri Jun 24, 09:21:00 AM,
Chief Slacker said...
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Marissa - Sense of humor I have and I don't treat people like crap.. so hopefully I'm good to go!
Amber - Yeah, I'm not a big fan of the jump to getting married after one week of dating things either. -
At Fri Jun 24, 10:45:00 AM,
Becki said...
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I don't know if this is a situation unique to my crowd or not but I've been playing younger sister to my group of geeky guys for the last decade or so and I see one thing over and over. These guys always lust after or pick up or date girls that have nothing in common with them. They're all nice, intelligent guys(which you seem to be as well) and yet they continually get hung up on the girl that thinks games are for losers and computers are boring. Then they spend the next however many months miserable until they get their hearts broken. I can't stress enough how important it is to find a girl that you're comfortable with and share interests with. Then if things don't heat up or fizzle out later you've at least picked up a cool friend. And if you're discussing things that you're into and enjoy the nervousness tends to fade. At least for me.
P.S. If you're not a computer guy then I probably just offended you like 3 times. Oops. -
At Fri Jun 24, 12:05:00 PM,
Chief Slacker said...
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Aurora - No worries, thanks for the advice! And seriously, I think the "blogosphere" should be renamed "Closet Computer Geeks Anonymous." ;O)
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At Fri Jun 24, 12:08:00 PM,
Chief Slacker said...
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August - I look forward to it!
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At Fri Jun 24, 03:21:00 PM,
Becki said...
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I think that's what blogsphere means in Latin.
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At Fri Jun 24, 07:00:00 PM,
Pink said...
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here's my 2cents worth - better late than never eh :)
ok, dunno if this applies to all women, as im only interested in long-term relationships, but seems to be common traits all girls look for in guys...
sense of humour - SO so important, the ability to laugh at urself & be witty without belittling/being mean to others. i really cant be doing with dull guys.
chivalry - not in a laying ur coat on the road to walk all over kinda way, but the little things that distinguish a Gentleman from a Jerk. i like small gestures. opening doors etc are obvious, but mannerisms are v impt to me, show if a guy's considerate or not- if he's not considerate & well-mannered= not a keeper= not worth the effort.
nice smile - obv u gotta work with what u got (dont stress urs is fine!) but maintain good teeth - and SMILE dont LEER! first thing i notice abt ppl is smiles so dunno if thats jst me but im a sucker for a cute smile
honesty- (emotional & otherwise) alpha-male types just dont cut it wt me - need to be sensitive abt feelings, no mind-games etc & confident enough to open up without being embarassed & being able to talk things through without being all Guy-ish!
sincerity- this kindv overrides everything else - if ur a decent sincere guy, itll show in everything u say&do & girls will always b able to pick up on that & flock to u like moths to a flame (the ones that matter anyway!)
so in conclusion... confident but sensitive, charming but genuine, wit without arrogance.
*sorry, went off on one!* -
At Sun Jun 26, 06:27:00 PM,
Tamanna said...
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I dunno.
Money is always an added bonus. -
At Mon Jun 27, 09:16:00 AM,
Chief Slacker said...
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Aurora - I think you mat be right!
Rosie - Sounds good, I'm usually fairly chivalrous.
Fudge - Money does solve a lot of problems, but not personality ones ;O) -
At Mon Jun 27, 10:59:00 AM,
Tamanna said...
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No, but with money, I'm sure girls will be anything you want them to!